The 13 Behaviors: #5 Show Loyalty 2/2/2018

The 13 Behaviors: #5 Show Loyalty* Showing loyalty is about three things: giving credit, speaking about others as if they are present and always speaking of everyone respectfully. Giving credit is easy and builds trust quickly. This is because people naturally want to be noticed for their contributions and appreciate it when others recognize their work. Speaking about others as though they were present is a bit harder since so much of our culture today revolves around gossip but, there is nothing more disloyal than duplicity in our words. Always speaking respectfully of others can be hard too, particularly when people do bad things. One helpful idea, when the situation demands that you speak of someone's choices, is to focus on actions not character or motives. The counterfeit of these actions is: giving credit only when you have to and then claiming credit for yourself; publicly shaming others for speaking about others but privately doing the same and, speaking disrespectfully about others behind their back. Good leaders do good things but great leaders also watch their words carefully. The tongue can undo a thousand good actions with one dumb sentence. Both the book and the Strong Bonds curriculum explain these principals in great detail and help you figure out how to apply them in your context.** Army Leadership Doctrine: Loyalty is one of the seven Army values. ADRP 1 quotes the values " A loyal Soldier is one who supports the leadership and stands up for fellow Soldiers. By wearing the uniform of the U.S. Army you are expressing your loyalty. And by doing your share, you show your loyalty to your unit." These are good words but don't give much detail about what it actually means to show loyalty. In America we have the right to thought and action but just because we can speak poorly of others does not mean we should. Integrity means that our words and our actions go together but too often today people say that they are loyal but speak disrespectfully of one another. (perhaps this is why Billy Joel thinks honesty is a "lonely" word) *This is a reflection on a section of pages 152-157 of the book "The Speed of Trust" by Steven M.R. Covey which is the basis of the Strong Bonds curriculum The Speed of Trust for Families/Marriages/Soldiers. I highly recommend both! **CH Gramling posts a religious thought from a Christian perspective on the leadership thoughts each week at http://chaplainschatter316.blogspot.com

The 13 Behaviors: #4 Right Wrongs 2/1/2018

The 13 Behaviors: #4 Right Wrongs* Righting wrongs is about more than apologizing it's also about setting things straight (making restitution). Doing this takes humility since there is both an emotional cost, admitting fault, and a real (often monetary) cost, paying to make up for the error. Often immature leaders think that by admitting wrong that they are somehow weakening their position. In the movie "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon" screen legend John Wayne, playing CPT Nathan Brittles, says "You're not quite "Army" yet, miss... or you'd know never to apologize... it's a sign of weakness." Even in the film "Patton" the forced apology is only through gritted teeth. Often in our popular culture strong figures are those who never admit fault, but in reality leaders who can tactfully and artfully admit their weaknesses can build teams that are stronger than the sum of their parts, far beyond the abilities of the individual leader. Often the real problem is the ego of the leader; some leaders would rather the whole team go down in defeat than admit fault, apologize and fix the problem. Often the difference between success and failure is being able to quickly admit mistakes, set things right, build the team and maintain trust.* Both the book and the Strong Bonds curriculum explain these principals in great detail and help you figure out how to apply them in your context.** Army Leadership Doctrine: The Army puts great faith in leaders at all levels even giving commanders non-judicial authority. FM 6-22, para 7-14 to 7-18 talk about building a climate of trust. Table 7-9 indicates that leaders should "admit mistakes." You can learn more about the "Art" of admitting failure at https://hbr.org/2011/03/the-art-of-admitting-failure *This is a reflection on a section of pages 158-164 of the book "The Speed of Trust" by Steven M.R. Covey which is the basis of the Strong Bonds curriculum The Speed of Trust for Families/Marriages/Soldiers. I highly recommend both!

The 13 Behaviors: #3 Create Transparency 1/25/2018

The 13 Behaviors: #3 Create Transparency* You have heard the expression, information (or knowledge) is power; therefore, hording information can be a temptation to an immature leader. However, since information usually gets out anyway, the short term gain of withholding information then becomes a huge loss. Perhaps this is why so many companies today have gone from a "propriety" mindset to an "open-source" mindset. Sharing knowledge is both powerful and empowering because more can be accomplished with a team (community) than an assemblage of individuals. Of course, as with all of the 13 behaviors, there is a sweet spot in sharing information because there are times when not everything should always be in the open. Privacy and timing are just as important as openness; keeping some things in confidence, especially during a negotiation or to protect someone who is vulnerable, is always appropriate. Finally, another important thing to remember is that, like the other behaviors, there is a "counterfeit" to transparency. Those who try to create the "appearance" of transparency, while actually using information as a weapon, are particularly dangerous and untrustworthy, people. Like behavior #1Talk Straight and behavior #2Demonstrate Respect, Creating Transparency can create an atmosphere of trust very quickly and help build teams. Leaders should use this powerful tool thoughtfully.

The Thriteen Behaviors: #2 Demonstrate Respect 1/19/2018

The 13 Behaviors: #2 Demonstrate Respect* The two parts of "demonstrate respect" include: behave in ways that show fundamental respect and in ways that demonstrate caring and concern. I would say that these are like being courteous and generous. In 1922 the famous columnist Emily Post wrote, "to make a pleasant and friendly impression is not only good manners but equally good business." This might seem like a foreign language to an Army audience but many of us have learned in Asia and the Middle East that it is considered rude to conduct business without first asking about a person health or the welfare of their family. But isn't this really this is just human nature? After all, what do you think when you go into a business and you stand around waiting for someone to greet you? If instead someone immediately says welcome and I'll be right with you probably have a much better first impression. Many argue that today courtesy is a core business principal - just ask a manager at Nordstrom's or even Chic-filet. This is also true in our personal lives; our relationships with our own family can be improved with a courteous and generous attitude. Call, write, acknowledge and thank are all little actions that pay big dividends in trust with all those around us. Combined with talking straight, demonstrating respect can open doors of trust in almost any situation. (Consider a commander who orders his troops to "smile" at the hostile crowd - http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2003/iraq/heroes/chrishughes.html)

The Thirteen Behaviors: #1 Talk Straight 1/11/2018

Organizational Trust: The 13 Behaviors: #1 Talk Straight * Last month we finished with the principal of alignment, how organizations harness the power of behavior. We now take up the 13 behaviors that build trust and allow organizational trust to thrive, beginning with: Talk Straight. Talking straight almost seems like an anachronism in our modern "spin" and "fake news" society. I love the phrase in the film "12 O'clock High" where General Merrill says to General Savage "Let me hear it Frank, with the bark on." Our society has become so afraid of speaking truth that most everything is hedge and shade. Speaking truthfully is not an excuse for being rude or mean but "speaking the truth in love" (wounds of a friend), is a powerful behavior that can help heal our relationships and society. Have you ever heard the phrase "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Think for a minute about what are the opposite of those three clauses; yes, that's right, what many "spin doctors" publicists and PR firms have turned into a "dark" art (AKA, lying). One of the things that the Speed of Trust curriculum teaches is that there is a "sweet spot" to each of the behaviors. In every situation you must find a way to tell the truth without either 'technically' telling the truth yet leaving a false impression, or on the other hand, blurting out the truth in a way that hurts people. Leaders who learn how to master the "sweet spot" of honest communication are like "golden apples in a silver tray," (highly prized).

Organizational Trust: The Principle of Alignment 12/112/17

Organizational Trust: The Principle of Alignment* Covey's description of organizational trust reads like an explanation of the principals of Mission Command. In the business world "alignment" means that all elements of the organization are goal focused, in the Army we say with the mission or the commander's intent. High-trust organizations: share information openly, tolerate mistakes as a way of learning, seek innovation and creativity, talk straight and confront real issues, reward candid and authentic communication and hold themselves/others accountable for results. People who are part of high-trust organizations love their work and are proud to tell you about it. The book has a self-test that helps you assess if your organization as high or low trust. Low trust organizations pay a "tax" on all they do (Clausewitz might have called this added fog or friction), but high trust organizations increase in value, accelerate growth, enhance innovation, improve collaboration, strengthen partnerships, execute better and get heightened loyalty. As you can tell, many of these principals are essentially identical to the ones we say we follow in the Army but (to adapt a phrase) all leadership is local. We all have the opportunity/responsibility to build trust since all of us are part of different circles of influence and the principals of alignment apply to all of these contexts; unit, family, church, softball team, etc. The power of a team is truly greater than the sum of its parts and the principal of alignment harnesses the power of teams.

Relationship Trust: The Principle of Behavior 12/8/17

Relationship Trust: The Principle of Behavior* Learning to consistently behave in ways that build trust, and avoid ways that destroy trust, is the principal of relationship trust. These behaviors are timeless, actionable and universal across cultures. Covey focuses on 13 primary behaviors that impact trust between individuals. If you want people to trust you, these behaviors (not words only) will help you. Remember your trust "account" is different with each person and the impact of "deposits and withdrawls," what may be a deposit for one person may be a withdrawl for someone else, also varies. This is partly because any behavior done poorly (too little or too much) can be taken differently. Each behavior also has a "counterfeit" so if you are not sincere it can actually backfire. The 13 behaviors are: Talk Straight, Demonstrate Respect, Create Transparency, Right Wrongs, Show Loyalty, Deliver Results, Get Better, Confront Reality, Clarify Expectations, Practice Accountability, Listen First, Keep Commitments and Extend Trust. Trust is elemental to all relationships and building trust is a key leader capability. Leaders who can build teams who trust each other are valuable in the Army, in the community and in the home. Both the book and the Strong Bonds curriculum cover these behaviors in great detail including: tips on how to practice each behavior, how to find the "sweet spot" so that you strike the right balance and how to spot and avoid counterfeit behavior.** (Note: This thumbnail summary covers 105 pages in the book. You won't get the real benefit of these behaviors from my "cliff notes" summary).